In part 3 of Orrin Woodward's piece on Scams, Coercion, and Network Marketing my favorite author points toward results attained by exercising your right to freedom. The "fruit on the tree" if you will! Nothing cements fact like principles applied and success achieved! Here is the proof that your detractors don't know what they are talking about. They simply apply negative so you don't reach a level any higher than their mediocrity. Here are the people who chose to ignore their critics, avoid their coercion, and set free the myth of networking being a scam backed by resluts.
God Bless!
Capt. Bill
Free to Win & Free to Lose
In America, one is free to win, free to lose, and, even free to blame. But unless one is forced against his will, a force that’s necessary for any real scam, one will look silly to blame his loss on anything but his own incompetence. It’s foolish to blame others, who worked harder, applied themselves more, and developed the skills to win. Calling winners names, calling the tournament (profession) a scam, pointing fingers at others, all in an effort to salve a wounded pride. This may take the focus off off his lack of skills temporarily, but it reveals more about the character of the sender of the toxic message than the receiver's character. It seems that ‘passing the buck’ is endemic in today’s society, but one of the goals of the Networking is to teach people personal responsibility. Accepting responsibility is the beginning of all leadership growth. In Networking, unless the person was forced to attend meetings against his will, forced to buy materials without a buy back provision, why is he passing judgment on others for his lack of results? The minute you blame others for your failures is the minute you surrender responsibility for your own life. In the Team, we teach that freedom is a gift and we support your freedom to win, lose or leave, voting with your own feet. The tens of thousands who are part of TEAM, were not coerced into joining, but joined freely by buying into the leadership culture. The TEAM leaders win by serving customers, not controlling them, even offering a 30 day, no questions asked, 100% return policy for any items purchased. No business would be foolish enough to publicly state that, unless they knew that 99.99% plus of their customers were happily served. All reputable Networking companies in our profession offer similar refund policies.
Stephen M.R. Covey is author of the New York Times bestseller The Speed of Trust
To me, the most interesting dimension of network market-ing is the focus on building relationships of trust. All parties must be able to trust one an- other, or nothing moves forward. Accountability, transparency and other high-trust behaviors clearly flow out of your character and competence, which in turn help to improve, solidify and create better relationships. Those relationships are powerful fruits that enable you to enjoy greater collaboration, a better reputation and shared accomplishment. When done well, network marketing is the speed of trust in action.
Team - Leadership Development Engine
My friend, John Maxwell, a top selling leadership guru, teaches that everything rises and falls on leadership. In my business ventures, I have focused on improving people’s leadership levels, thus improving their results. The many success stories achieved from this approach boggles the mind. Literally thousands of couples have reduced debts, improved relationships, and freed up their time from the mundane tasks, to focus on the important ones, by applying the principles learned from the TEAM leadership system. Does everyone get wealthy? Of course not, not everyone will discipline themselves daily to achieve that level of success. The key point is that those who do apply themselves, do achieve success. Similarly, those who don’t apply themselves consistently have no right to blame TEAM for their lack of discipline or poor thinking. Dan & Lisa Hawkins, a mechanic and day care provider, Chris & Danae Mattis, a counselor and dance instructor, and Marc & Kristine Miletello, both teachers, to name just a few of the TEAM leaders, all started from different walks of life, but all have achieved success through changing their associations and their thinking. Instead of sharing their stories for them, I let them speak for themselves in the following YouTube videos.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rtQ-IVcvAo&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=32iwvGzGpgs&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16BGmUCV16U&feature=player_embedded
Two of the Top 30 Leaders in the World
The most recent Top 30 list of leadership gurus has Chris Brady, my co-author of the number one Wall Street Journal best seller for two weeks in a row - Launching a Leadership Revolution, and myself as Top 30 Leadership Gurus, making TEAM the only organization in the world with two of the Top 30. Gladwell’s 10,000 hours sure paid off for both Brady and myself. After five years, neither one of us had much success in Networking, but instead of quitting we chose to improve, leading to tens of thousands of satisfied customers. One either hates losing enough to change or one hates changing enough to lose. Brady and I chose to improve, as we hate losing, others may choose quitting, as they hate changing. I support their choices, because I support the freedom to choose. Giving people the freedom to make their own decisions, and the freedom to live with the subsequent results is the American way. If you win, you get the credit, but correspondingly, if you lose, you must take the blame. This is what made America great, and what my parents, along with competitive sports taught me as a young boy. No leader is good enough to make someone win against their will. In the TEAM, we commit to providing the best leadership training available for the dollar invested, but you must commit to the personal growth and the actions necessary to convert the training into results. People like Hawkins, Mattis, and Miletello applied the principles and changed their lives. What you will do, is up to you.
What Scams have I studied to date?
If you found this site looking for my research into the coercion based scams that I have studied so far, here is a partial list to get started.
1. Social Security Scam
2. Fiat Money Scam
3. Tariff Scam
4. Democracy Scam
5. National Bank Scam
6. U.N. Scam
God Bless, Orrin Woodward
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Grandpa Know's Best!
Here's a repost of early Orrin Woodward that's absolutely touching. This is classic Woodward philosophy, learning from those with not only experience, but the fruit on the tree!
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
PS. Check out the links to Tim Marks, George Guzzardo and Dan Hawkins leadership blogs. More great information with a timely message!
I read a great short story by Steve Brunkhorst called Grandfather’s letter. What incredible nuggets it had for climbers in life! Steve’s points out that in order to climb from peak to peak—we must endure the valley between the mountains. It takes courage to step off the peak and descend into the valley in order to climb the higher peak on the horizon. I feel many of us have walked through a valley for the last 5 or 6 months and arestarting to ascend to another peak. This is the year to count your blessings, break camp and start the climb to the top! Enjoy this wonderful story and follow the advice of Grandfather’s letter.- Orrin Woodward
One day, a young man was cleaning out his late grandfather’s belongings when he came across a bright red envelope. Written on the front were the words, “To my grandson.” Recognizing his grandfather’s handwriting, the boy opened the envelope. A letter inside read:
Dear Ronny,
Years ago you came to me for help. You said, “Grandpa, how is it that you’ve accomplished so much in your life? You’re still full of energy, and I’m already tired of struggling. How can I get that same enthusiasm that you’ve got?”
I didn’t know what to say to you then. But knowing my days are numbered, I figure that I owe you an answer. So here is what I believe.
I think a lot of it has to do with how a person looks at things. I call it ‘keeping your eyes wide open.’
First, realize that life is filled with surprises, but many are good ones. If you don’t keep watching for them, you’ll miss half the excitement. Expect to be thrilled once in a while, and you will be.
When you meet up with challenges, welcome them. They’ll leave you wiser, stronger, and more capable than you were the day before. When you make a mistake, be grateful for the things it taught you. Resolve to use that lesson to help you reach your goals.
And always follow the rules. Even the little ones. When you follow the rules, life works. If you think you ever really get by with breaking the rules, you’re only fooling yourself.
It’s also important to decide exactly what you want. Then keep your mind focused on it, and be prepared to receive it.
But be ready to end up in some new places too. As you grow with the years, you’ll be given bigger shoes to fill. So be ready for endings as well as challenging beginnings.
Sometimes we have to be brave enough to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar. Life isn’t just reaching peaks. Part of it is moving from one peak to the next. If you rest too long in between, you might be tempted to quit. Leave the past in the past. Climb the next mountain and enjoy the view.
Dump things that weigh you down emotionally and spiritually. When an old resentment, belief, or attitude becomes heavy, lighten your load. Shed those hurtful attitudes that slow you down and drain your energy.
Remember that your choices will create your successes and your failures. So consider all the pathways ahead, and decide which ones to follow. Then believe in yourself, get up, and get going.
And be sure to take breaks once in a while. They’ll give you a renewed commitment to your dreams and a cheerful, healthy perception of the things that matter the most to you.
Most important of all, never give up on yourself. The person that ends up a winner is the one who resolves to win. Give life everything you’ve got, and life will give its best back to you.
Love always,
Grandpa
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
PS. Check out the links to Tim Marks, George Guzzardo and Dan Hawkins leadership blogs. More great information with a timely message!
I read a great short story by Steve Brunkhorst called Grandfather’s letter. What incredible nuggets it had for climbers in life! Steve’s points out that in order to climb from peak to peak—we must endure the valley between the mountains. It takes courage to step off the peak and descend into the valley in order to climb the higher peak on the horizon. I feel many of us have walked through a valley for the last 5 or 6 months and arestarting to ascend to another peak. This is the year to count your blessings, break camp and start the climb to the top! Enjoy this wonderful story and follow the advice of Grandfather’s letter.- Orrin Woodward
One day, a young man was cleaning out his late grandfather’s belongings when he came across a bright red envelope. Written on the front were the words, “To my grandson.” Recognizing his grandfather’s handwriting, the boy opened the envelope. A letter inside read:
Dear Ronny,
Years ago you came to me for help. You said, “Grandpa, how is it that you’ve accomplished so much in your life? You’re still full of energy, and I’m already tired of struggling. How can I get that same enthusiasm that you’ve got?”
I didn’t know what to say to you then. But knowing my days are numbered, I figure that I owe you an answer. So here is what I believe.
I think a lot of it has to do with how a person looks at things. I call it ‘keeping your eyes wide open.’
First, realize that life is filled with surprises, but many are good ones. If you don’t keep watching for them, you’ll miss half the excitement. Expect to be thrilled once in a while, and you will be.
When you meet up with challenges, welcome them. They’ll leave you wiser, stronger, and more capable than you were the day before. When you make a mistake, be grateful for the things it taught you. Resolve to use that lesson to help you reach your goals.
And always follow the rules. Even the little ones. When you follow the rules, life works. If you think you ever really get by with breaking the rules, you’re only fooling yourself.
It’s also important to decide exactly what you want. Then keep your mind focused on it, and be prepared to receive it.
But be ready to end up in some new places too. As you grow with the years, you’ll be given bigger shoes to fill. So be ready for endings as well as challenging beginnings.
Sometimes we have to be brave enough to move from the familiar to the unfamiliar. Life isn’t just reaching peaks. Part of it is moving from one peak to the next. If you rest too long in between, you might be tempted to quit. Leave the past in the past. Climb the next mountain and enjoy the view.
Dump things that weigh you down emotionally and spiritually. When an old resentment, belief, or attitude becomes heavy, lighten your load. Shed those hurtful attitudes that slow you down and drain your energy.
Remember that your choices will create your successes and your failures. So consider all the pathways ahead, and decide which ones to follow. Then believe in yourself, get up, and get going.
And be sure to take breaks once in a while. They’ll give you a renewed commitment to your dreams and a cheerful, healthy perception of the things that matter the most to you.
Most important of all, never give up on yourself. The person that ends up a winner is the one who resolves to win. Give life everything you’ve got, and life will give its best back to you.
Love always,
Grandpa
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Butterflies Are Free!
Another great teaser from Orrin Woodward's new book, RESOLVED: 13 Resolutions for LIFE, set to be released November 1, 2011. Who better to teach us about systems than the #1 community builder through the systems approach. Here Orrin cites his study of systems applied though out history! Who would have thought that someone else's experience from the past would be applicable today? Maybe someone could clue in our representatives in Washington!
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
Butterfly Effect
RESOLVED: 13 Resolutions for LIFE-Orrin Woodward
The Butterfly Effect, a part of the Chaos Theory, confirms the massive results that slight changes can have when applied to a leverage point within a system. The butterfly effect is such that a butterfly flapping its wings has the capacity to change the initial atmospheric conditions enough to trigger a series of changes that compound into a hurricane on the other side of the world. The same effect applies to human affairs in that subtle adjustments in initial conditions can create profound differences in results. In fact, according to the University of Bath, it was through studying weather patterns that the Butterfly Effect was first expounded:
In 1960 a meteorologist named Edward Lorenz was researching into the possibilities of long term weather prediction. He created a basic computer program using mathematical equations which could theoretically predict what the weather might be. One day he wanted to run a particular sequence again, and to save time he started it from the middle of the sequence. After letting the sequence run he returned to find that the sequence had evolved completely different from the original. At first he couldn’t comprehend such different results but then realized that he had started the sequence with his recorded results to 3 decimal places, whereas the computer had recorded them to 6 decimal places. As this program was theoretically deterministic we would expect a sequence very close to the original, however this tiny difference in initial conditions had given him completely different results.
Lorenz’s findings teach that slight changes running through complex systems compound over time, creating significant differences in results. For leaders who understand systems, a little extra “flapping of the wings” at key points of leverage can multiply with time creating major changes in the long-term outcomes. Although no one can predict the results in complex systems omnisciently (as in weather forecasting), leaders know that small variances in initial conditions can produce big differences in the finished products. History is filled with examples of how little incidences impacted the destiny of civilizations. The Great Courses series, taught by historian J. Rufus Fears, dramatizes this point:
January 10, 49 B.C.: Julius Caesar crosses the Rubicon River into Rome, igniting a civil war that leads to the birth of the world’s greatest ancient civilization.
October 12, 1492: The Spanish explorer Christopher Columbus, weary after months at sea, finally drops anchor at the island of San Salvador and takes Europe’s first steps into the New World.
September 11, 2001: On a calm Tuesday morning, a series of terrorist attacks on the United States of America ignites a global war on terrorism that continues to this day.
History is made and defined by landmark events such as these—moments that irrevocably changed the course of human civilization. While many of us are taught that anonymous social, political, and economic forces are the driving factors behind events of the past, acclaimed historian and award-winning Professor J. Rufus Fears believes that it’s individuals, acting alone or together, who alter the course of history. These events have given us
* spiritual and political ideas,
* catastrophic battles and wars,
* scientific and technological advances,
* world leaders both influential and monstrous, and
* cultural works of unparalleled beauty.
Without them, human history as we know it today would be shockingly unfamiliar. It’s because of these events that our world will never be the same again.
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
Butterfly Effect
RESOLVED: 13 Resolutions for LIFE-Orrin Woodward
The Butterfly Effect, a part of the Chaos Theory, confirms the massive results that slight changes can have when applied to a leverage point within a system. The butterfly effect is such that a butterfly flapping its wings has the capacity to change the initial atmospheric conditions enough to trigger a series of changes that compound into a hurricane on the other side of the world. The same effect applies to human affairs in that subtle adjustments in initial conditions can create profound differences in results. In fact, according to the University of Bath, it was through studying weather patterns that the Butterfly Effect was first expounded:
In 1960 a meteorologist named Edward Lorenz was researching into the possibilities of long term weather prediction. He created a basic computer program using mathematical equations which could theoretically predict what the weather might be. One day he wanted to run a particular sequence again, and to save time he started it from the middle of the sequence. After letting the sequence run he returned to find that the sequence had evolved completely different from the original. At first he couldn’t comprehend such different results but then realized that he had started the sequence with his recorded results to 3 decimal places, whereas the computer had recorded them to 6 decimal places. As this program was theoretically deterministic we would expect a sequence very close to the original, however this tiny difference in initial conditions had given him completely different results.
Lorenz’s findings teach that slight changes running through complex systems compound over time, creating significant differences in results. For leaders who understand systems, a little extra “flapping of the wings” at key points of leverage can multiply with time creating major changes in the long-term outcomes. Although no one can predict the results in complex systems omnisciently (as in weather forecasting), leaders know that small variances in initial conditions can produce big differences in the finished products. History is filled with examples of how little incidences impacted the destiny of civilizations. The Great Courses series, taught by historian J. Rufus Fears, dramatizes this point:
January 10, 49 B.C.: Julius Caesar crosses the Rubicon River into Rome, igniting a civil war that leads to the birth of the world’s greatest ancient civilization.
October 12, 1492: The Spanish explorer Christopher Columbus, weary after months at sea, finally drops anchor at the island of San Salvador and takes Europe’s first steps into the New World.
September 11, 2001: On a calm Tuesday morning, a series of terrorist attacks on the United States of America ignites a global war on terrorism that continues to this day.
History is made and defined by landmark events such as these—moments that irrevocably changed the course of human civilization. While many of us are taught that anonymous social, political, and economic forces are the driving factors behind events of the past, acclaimed historian and award-winning Professor J. Rufus Fears believes that it’s individuals, acting alone or together, who alter the course of history. These events have given us
* spiritual and political ideas,
* catastrophic battles and wars,
* scientific and technological advances,
* world leaders both influential and monstrous, and
* cultural works of unparalleled beauty.
Without them, human history as we know it today would be shockingly unfamiliar. It’s because of these events that our world will never be the same again.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
A Special Announcement!
Some important news from Orrin Woodward...Pass it on!
Capt. Bill
Special Announcement: On October 3, Blogharbor will be closing its doors, my blog will be moving over to WordPress. All of the relevant leadership material will migrate with me. :)
Chris Brady and I went to Lansing, Michigan for a Super Open. With TEAM in it's pre-launch phase of LIFE, numbers and excitement are peaking! With over 1500 in live attendance plus 760 TEAM Casts locations, with an average of 15-20 per house, this was the single biggest Open meeting in TEAM's history. Now people can enjoy the leadership training in the comfort of their own or a neighbors house, reducing the amount of time, travel and hotel space needed, while increasing the quality of speaker content across the community. Here is a description of the intersectional quality of TEAM's new business model - LIFE. LIFE's plan is to grow all 8F's, helping serve each member with the only company with two of the Top 30 Leadership Gurus and New York Times Best Selling Authors. Not too mention the lowest priced leadership products, all within the record setting TEAM community. Finally, In November, LIFE will launch the most lucrative compensation plan in the history of Networking. I love win-win-win, and this plan is a win for customers, win for TEAM members, and win for Dallin Larsen. I personally want to thank Dallin Larsen, Ernst & Young entrepreneur of the year, for having the vision and foresight to partner with leaders in a win-win fashion. When TEAM reaches a million people, he will be happy with the results. :) Onward to 1 million! God Bless, Orrin Woodward
Capt. Bill
Special Announcement: On October 3, Blogharbor will be closing its doors, my blog will be moving over to WordPress. All of the relevant leadership material will migrate with me. :)
Chris Brady and I went to Lansing, Michigan for a Super Open. With TEAM in it's pre-launch phase of LIFE, numbers and excitement are peaking! With over 1500 in live attendance plus 760 TEAM Casts locations, with an average of 15-20 per house, this was the single biggest Open meeting in TEAM's history. Now people can enjoy the leadership training in the comfort of their own or a neighbors house, reducing the amount of time, travel and hotel space needed, while increasing the quality of speaker content across the community. Here is a description of the intersectional quality of TEAM's new business model - LIFE. LIFE's plan is to grow all 8F's, helping serve each member with the only company with two of the Top 30 Leadership Gurus and New York Times Best Selling Authors. Not too mention the lowest priced leadership products, all within the record setting TEAM community. Finally, In November, LIFE will launch the most lucrative compensation plan in the history of Networking. I love win-win-win, and this plan is a win for customers, win for TEAM members, and win for Dallin Larsen. I personally want to thank Dallin Larsen, Ernst & Young entrepreneur of the year, for having the vision and foresight to partner with leaders in a win-win fashion. When TEAM reaches a million people, he will be happy with the results. :) Onward to 1 million! God Bless, Orrin Woodward
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
Restoring The American Dream!
Good leadership demands reading! A classic post mentoring us on a great read! You will soon be run over by your community if you don't out learn them, so don't be caught staring at their tailights.
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
The American Dream, the yearning for freedom inside of all Americans, no matter what race, creed or color, has lost its luster in recent years. American Dream? How about staying ahead on my bills? Dazed and confused by the endless maize of government regulations, most American’s have reduced their dreams to keeping their head above the water. A new book has the map out of the maize. Robert Ringer, the author of three number one best selling books, a true lover of liberty and justice, has captured the principles in his newly re-released book, Restoring the American Dream, to return America to greatness. What Margaret Thatcher famously quipped, while leading Great Britain back from the brink of disaster, still holds true today, “The problem with Socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money to steal.” Mr. Ringer eloquently captures the fundamental errors in our national policies, sharing where we have veered off track from the Founder Father’s vision, while gently directing us back to the principles that made America great. Whether you are a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian, or undecided, this book will awaken inside of you a hunger to learn more.
The American Dream is not dead, only sick from heavy doses of government intervention. Our economy shakes like a drug addict suffering a downer from his latest hit, searching for the next government quick fix, instead of cleaning out his system of every bad habit. It’s time to put socialism and Keynesianism where it belongs, on the ash heap of history. People did not travel to America from around the world to seek the latest government program. No, people traveled to America for an opportunity to succeed or fail based upon their own efforts. Mr. Ringer explains that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness were the only guarantees that government was to insure, the rest would be accomplished by your efforts and God’s Providence. Restoring the American Dream is a clarion call for individualism, self-responsibility, and personal freedom, a perfect fit for small business owners who proclaim this message every night.
Entrepreneurs from all over the world flocked to America for freedom. I pray the trend doesn’t reverse, entrepreneurs flocking away from American to escape oppressive taxation and policies. Whether you agree with every point isn’t as important as thinking through the points and Mr. Ringer’s book will make you think. Every concerned American needs to get informed on what government has done to our liberty, our money, our taxes and thus our futures. God Bless, Orrin Woodward
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
The American Dream, the yearning for freedom inside of all Americans, no matter what race, creed or color, has lost its luster in recent years. American Dream? How about staying ahead on my bills? Dazed and confused by the endless maize of government regulations, most American’s have reduced their dreams to keeping their head above the water. A new book has the map out of the maize. Robert Ringer, the author of three number one best selling books, a true lover of liberty and justice, has captured the principles in his newly re-released book, Restoring the American Dream, to return America to greatness. What Margaret Thatcher famously quipped, while leading Great Britain back from the brink of disaster, still holds true today, “The problem with Socialism is that eventually you run out of other people’s money to steal.” Mr. Ringer eloquently captures the fundamental errors in our national policies, sharing where we have veered off track from the Founder Father’s vision, while gently directing us back to the principles that made America great. Whether you are a Democrat, a Republican, a Libertarian, or undecided, this book will awaken inside of you a hunger to learn more.
The American Dream is not dead, only sick from heavy doses of government intervention. Our economy shakes like a drug addict suffering a downer from his latest hit, searching for the next government quick fix, instead of cleaning out his system of every bad habit. It’s time to put socialism and Keynesianism where it belongs, on the ash heap of history. People did not travel to America from around the world to seek the latest government program. No, people traveled to America for an opportunity to succeed or fail based upon their own efforts. Mr. Ringer explains that life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness were the only guarantees that government was to insure, the rest would be accomplished by your efforts and God’s Providence. Restoring the American Dream is a clarion call for individualism, self-responsibility, and personal freedom, a perfect fit for small business owners who proclaim this message every night.
Entrepreneurs from all over the world flocked to America for freedom. I pray the trend doesn’t reverse, entrepreneurs flocking away from American to escape oppressive taxation and policies. Whether you agree with every point isn’t as important as thinking through the points and Mr. Ringer’s book will make you think. Every concerned American needs to get informed on what government has done to our liberty, our money, our taxes and thus our futures. God Bless, Orrin Woodward
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
You Gotta Have Friends!
When it comes to relationships and relationship building, when the #7 leadership guru speaks, people listen. Here's a great post from Orrin Woodward, mentoring us all on the fine art of friendship!
Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
True friendship is a fine art. When you find a true friend, a friend that will be there when the chicken hits the fan, be sure to count your blessings. Many people will live their whole life with nothing more than acquaintances, rather than friendships. Because friends respect one another, it naturally leads to leadership influence in respective areas of expertise. In order to lead people properly, one must love the person, as a fellow human being, believing in his/her goals and dreams. In other words, friendship must come before leadership, forming an authentic speed of trust relationship. Without love for people, leadership can quickly degrade into manipulation, causing damage to the leaders heart and the community’s future. Chris Brady and I wrote an entire book on leadership, our #1 best seller, Launching a Leadership Revolution, a must read for anyone in the leadership field. If you haven’t read that book, be sure to do so, because the principles taught here will come to life, at a new level, when combined with the LLR teachings.
Before diving into the details of this chapter, let’s examine our hearts. Why do you want to lead? Do you care for the people or just the prestige associated with leadership? Are you willing to sacrifice for the team when necessary? Although there are many rewards for leaders, at the end of the day, leadership is about service to others, not about perks for self. Leaders must love people and use things, not love things and use people. This is foundational for all long-term leadership, love is the glue that holds communities together during the struggles to success . When a community doesn’t feel loved, believing they are just part of the machine, they will stay only for material rewards. In the past, that may have worked, but in today’s competitive marketplace, communities will surpass individuals every time.
Since friendship comes before leadership, let’s begin our study with the key principles to develop authentic friendships. Remember, these are principles, not techniques, being more a matter of the heart than just the physical actions. Applying the techniques, without the right heart, will come off as inauthentic, hurting the relationship. But with the right heart, following the principles suggested, anyone can build relationships that will last a lifetime, leading to the joy associated with true fellowship, creating a foundation for leadership excellence. When gathering with true friends for a night of fellowship, food, and fun, the laughter and learning brings happiness to all that are present, because the friendship is founded upon trust developed through proper application of the friendship principles. Friends allow you to relax and be yourself, knowing that you will be loved, faults and all. If you want great friendships that will last a lifetime, then be a great friend first. There are several books that I recommend to help in becoming a true friend to others. The first is Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People and the second is Les Giblin’s, How to Have Confidence and Power with People. These two books did more for me, in relating to people, than any other people skills books. With these books and the six principles that I am about to share, you will radically transform your relationships.
The first principle in developing healthy relationships is to learn that people are drawn to happy open people, not unhappy closed people. By following the resolutions discussed previously in this book, one will find greater happiness in life. Happiness isn’t something to be sought directly, but is found indirectly by applying personal discipline to a worthwhile goal or dream. Having a positive attitude is one of the quickest ways to draw people towards you. Attitude is a magnet that draws or repels, depending upon whether it’s a positive or negative one. Resolution #3 covers positive attitude and EQ, so I won’t go into much detail here, but refer back to it for further comments on attitude. A second factor in drawing people to you is the power of a genuine smile. Smiling is part of the universal language for the world, communicating happiness and openness. When traveling internationally, even when one doesn’t speak the language, a baby smiling can bring smiles and cheerfulness to all around them. When people see you smile, it’s surprising how many people will smile right back at you. If you believe that you are happy, but aren’t smiling, please notify your face.
Another key to communicate openness and approachability is personal appearance. How you dress and groom communicates to others how you feel about yourself. Dress for success is more than just a catch phrase. Grooming for success is just as important. For example, if you have breath that would knockout a camel cold, get some breath mints, gum, or mouth wash. Body odor is another quick way to communicate that you are unapproachable. If they can’t get within ten feet of you without gasping, it might be difficult for you to nurture a longterm friendship. First impressions, whether we like it or not, do have a huge impact on our ability to have a second impression. Being approachable means that you attitude mentally, your smile and smells physically, and your looks aesthetically communicate friendliness to others. If you are not sure how you are doing, ask your spouse or close friend. Allow them to speak honestly, with the goal being to improve in openness and approachability.
The second principle in developing people skills is to take a genuine interest in others. What is a person’s favorite subject to talk about? If you guessed themselves, then you just won the jackpot. Friendships are based upon mutual interests, so learning about others interests is a key step in the process of nurturing relationships. For example, a person’s name is sweet to their ears. When you meet people, be sure to take the time to learn, and pronounce their name properly. Even, if you have to ask them to repeat their name, they won’t be offended as it displays an interest in them. With a name like Orrin, I have had to repeat my name many times, but I was always impressed when someone took the time to get my name right. The best way to do this is to say it several times during the conversation, complimenting them by your care to remember their name, and, through repetition, storing it into memory.
One of the quickest ways to display an interest in others is to listen to them. Stephen Covey titled it, “seek first to understand, then be understood.” You have two ears and one mouth, let’s use them in that proportion. I find that I learn much more when I listen, rather than talk. I believe you will discover this too. Ask questions and then listen. What questions you ask? Why not start with the FOR method - Family, Occupation, and Recreation? These are great starter questions to get someone talking about themselves, helping you learn more about them. For example, if you just met John and he is a dentist, ask, “John, how did you get into the dental field?” I love hearing the stories develop after that question. Whether is was a parent who encouraged them, a friend in the field, or a dream from childhood, it’s fascinating to learn people’s stories. All stories have a dream, struggle, victory component, and as I listen, I am listening for the key struggles that were overcome. Afterwards, I can point out to them how they played like a champion, finishing what they started. Usually, during the discussion, the new friend will pause, realizing that he has been doing most of the talking, and will probably need encouragement to continue. Remember, he is used to people only talking, not listening, so he is probably wondering what is wrong with you.
Cultivate listening into one of your most developed skills. A genuine interest in others will come through in your conversations, taking listening to the highest level of active listening. Active listening is the key to help others feel comfortable talking while intently listening. Stay focused on them, looking them in the eyes, nodding with understanding, empathizing with the success story being shared. In order to learn more of the dream, struggle, victory life story, you may need to ask questions during the active listening process. Questions like: “Really, why is that?”; “Serious?”; “What kept you going?”; “And then what happened?”; “No kidding?”; “That’s amazing!”; “Unbelievable”; How did you keep going?”, and many other short comments to inspire other to talk while you actively listen. I know, this isn’t rocket science, but listening skills are the most effective and underutilized people skill. I want to ensure everyone understands the importance of drawing others out, as nothing bonds people to you as quickly as active listening does, since nothing compliments a person more than taking a genuine interest in them. I have found over the years that I have learned much more by listening to others, and, when I was ready to talk, I had their undivided attention. I like to learn from experience, but if I listen well, I can learn from others experience also, not having to repeat the same lesson that others have taken for me. By listening to others, you learn from experience - their experiences, saving you time and money. To sum up, applying active listening skills, when you meet others, displays a genuine interest in them, paying a huge compliment by listening and learning valuable lessons along the way.
The third principle in developing true friendship is finding value in others. Before people will find value in you, they typically must first feel valued by you. This can create a chicken and the egg scenario where each person is waiting for the other to value them. I have witnessed so many discussions where each person attempts to one up the other by rolling out his list of achievements. Instead, let the person share their achievements and be truly impressed. By giving relationship oxygen to the other side, they can breathe easier and listen after you have valued them. Let’s stop the crazy cycle by valuing others first, it cost nothing (unless your self pride is more important than others self worth), but it pays huge dividends. How does one find value in others? Les Giblin, the author of How to Have Confidence and Power with People, give the Triple A formula that is pure gold in relationships: Accept, Approve, and Appreciate. I encourage you to read over and over again, Chapter 6 of Giblin’s book covering the three A’s. It really is that good! Let me share an overview of the Triple A formula here to help define the terms and start the learning process.
Acceptance from one human being to another creates peace, allowing one to relax and open up. When someone is constantly judging everything said and done, it doesn’t allow the other person to relax, making friendship nearly impossible. Acceptance does not mean you approve of everything that the person does, but you will never influence anyone that you don’t accept as a human being first. I have found, that only after accepting the person as they are, that it frees them up to become what they want to be. A mentor’s acceptance brings peace and joy, allowing the other person some breathing space to develop personally. Acceptance to the soul is like food for the body, giving people nourishment, providing energy for further improvement. By accepting people as they are, they start desiring further food, creating a process of growth, nurtured along by your acceptance of them. Most people get this wrong, thinking they cannot accept someone until they do everything right. The problem with this is that no one does everything right, leaving all of us unaccepted, if everyone thought this way. All of us need to grow, I certainly know that I do, but when people accept me for the way I am, this gives me the soul nourishment to keep moving on. Since we have a full time project in working to improve ourselves, we should judge lightly the faults of others. How many people in your life are you feeding with acceptance?
Approval moves beyond acceptance of the person into approval of specific actions and talents. While acceptance is more an absence of negatives, approval is the recognition of a person’s positives. In the Triple A formula spelled out in Giblin’s book, I view acceptance as the appetizer, approval as the main dish, and appreciation as the dessert, in the buffet for the human soul. In order to approve someone, you must be looking for the attributes that you respect and admire in others. I believe the reason most people do not take the time to approve of others is because they are too busy seeking acceptance, approval and appreciation for themselves. When you can get over yourself, you will be in a much better position to help others get over themselves. Focus everyday, on pointing out to those closest to you, the things that you respect and admire about them. Approval is like oil in an engine, making everything run smoother with less friction. Interestingly, approval has more of an impact, when the approval is in a less than obvious attribute. For example, pointing out to a professional car racer that you admire the way he drives won’t have the same impact as pointing out you admire his relationship with his children. Be a professional observer of excellence in others, and then point it out! Most, so preoccupied with themselves won’t observe, but even if you do observe, it only reaches the other person by sharing your positive observations. What is the point of observing without sharing? How many people are you approving in your life?
Appreciation is the dessert in relationship foods for the soul. When you appreciate someone, you communicate to them that they are special to you, not just another face in the crowd. Appreciate is the opposite of depreciate. When something depreciates, it loses its value; but when something appreciates, it gains in value. Are you appreciating those closest to you? Are you increasing the value of your friends and family by appreciating them? Little things make all the difference here. When you set an appointment, be on time as that communicates you value the other person. Another is to thank people personally for a job well done. Single out what you appreciate about them as a person and in their work, making them feel special and separated from the crowd. If you really want to appreciate others, then share all the good you can about them to others. When others do great work, share your appreciation, not just with them, but to everyone that they know. This is the proper use of talking behind someone else’s back, all the good that you know about them. Everyone wants to feel accepted, approved, and appreciated, sadly most people believe condemning, criticizing, and complaining will help to change people, but nothing could be further from the truth. You catch more bees with honey than you ever will with vinegar, so put away the vinegar for good, and start attracting people to you through the Giblin’s Triple A formula.
The fourth principle to build lifelong friendships is building a shared vision of the future. Friendships are based upon shared experiences, the more positive experiences that people share together, the more friendships are strengthened. Conversely, when friends lack a common vision, they lose shared experiences and eventually lose the bonds that drew them together in the first place. All of us have had friends from high school that didn’t continue, having lost the common vision (geting out of school), and the shared experiences. Lifetime friends are different, they are built upon common visions that last longer than the high school or job where they met. My lifetime friends all have strengths and weaknesses (just as I do), but friends magnify each others strengths, while protecting each others weaknesses. Few people think through why they have the friends that they have, but essentially, friends build social communities, providing value to each other by leveraging each others strengths and enjoying each others company. In other words, the friends that you have, you have because you admire certain strengths that they possess, enhancing your life by the strengths in their life. In the same way, your strengths increase your friends enjoyment and success on their journey of life. Shared visions, shared experiences, shared strengths while protecting weaknesses, forms the recipe for long lasting enjoyment for both parties in life long friendships.
But in life, struggles will occur, blurring the common vision. Friends will need empathy from one another to endure the hardships thrown at them. When a friend is hurting, its important to be there for them, listening to his situation, understanding his pain, empathizing with him, while redirecting his focus to solutions. Friends must learn to reframe the struggles in each others lives, giving a better perspective to help friends endure. When friends fall into a pit, it’s your responsibility to help them find the way out. A true friend empathizes with, but never sympathizes with their friends struggles. Meaning, friends will feel each others pain, but not jump into the pit with each other. Instead, friends throw ropes down into the pit to help their friends get out. Listen, understand, empathize, but then reframe and help them move ahead. All friends will go through challenges, but a true friend helps them see the light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. Friends will remember that when the chicken hit the fan in their life, that you took the time to be there, creating bonds of friendship that will stand the test of time. Friends who help each other in times of need are rare, so hold onto these friends. I count a person’s real wealth to be in the quality of friends developed, not monetary net worth developed. Are you a priceless friend to your friends?
Fidelity to the reputation and character of one’s friends is another key principle in enduring friendships. What is friendship if it isn’t loyal to one another when needed? Loyalty to friends doesn’t mean, my friend right or wrong, but it does mean my friend, let’s help him do right. A true friend doesn’t exit the scene when life gets tough, rather, he enters more boldly to help out. Fair weather friends are not really friends at all. It takes real courage to stick by people when they’re dealt painful cards in life, but that’s exactly when true friend are needed. When someone hurts a friend, they hurt all his friends as friends stick together. In this situation, friends must rally together to focus on resolving the dispute between friends. If your friend is following the conflict resolution principles, but the other side isn’t, then the other side will know they have violated your friendship as well. Conversely, if your friend is not following conflict resolution guidelines, you must sit down in love and loyalty and speak truth to them with the hope that both sides will follow the appropriate principles. Friends have a responsibility to be loyal to their friends, abandoning a friendship only when a friend abandons truth repeatedly, creating a situation where defending your friend would put you on the side of untruth. Even in this situation, I let my former friend know that restoration is possible when truth is restored in his life and our relationship. Loyalty, fidelity and honor are not used much in today’s society, but life long friendships must be based upon them. In my opinion, next to truth itself, loyalty is the most valued principle in a true friendship, forming the glue that holds friendships together during the storms of life.
Lastly, friends celebrate each others victories together. Can you be as excited for a friends victory as you are your own? This is essential for true friendships as friends should be each others greatest cheerleaders. Friends are not jealous of one another, nor suffer from envy, but do all they can to lift their friends up. Friends aren’t competitors, but huge fans and encouragers of one another. Why wouldn’t you celebrate when a friend succeeds at any worthy endeavor? A friends victory lifts the tide for everyone surrounding them. Friends dream together, laugh together, struggle together, have victories together, and celebrate together. Be the biggest cheerleader of your friends successes. Let your friends know how much you admire their strengths, sharing your thankfulness to be part of their lives. This will form bonds of loyalty, letting your friends know that you are proud of their successes, and proud to be their friend. Friends lift one another up when they are together, but also are the biggest cheerleaders of each other when they aren’t together as well. Be the type of friend, who cheers their accomplishments behind their backs, sharing all the good that you know about them. No one is an island unto themselves, having friends who cheer one another’s successes is essential in making life meaningful and fruitful.
True friendship is a lost art in today’s “Me” generation, but that only increases the value of a friend when you really find one. The best way to find friends of this caliber is to be one to others. In life, if someone identifies a couple of friends of this quality, then he is a blessed man. Make a personal commitment to give more to each relationship than you receive. This is much tougher to do in practice when you find true friends as they are focusing on giving more than they receive. Friendship brings so much joy into life and should be cultivated daily. Conversely, damaged relationships bring so much pain to life, and should be resolved quickly. The older I get, the more I realize that my real wealth is in my faith, family, and friends, making me more conscious to nurture the relationships that have brought so much joy into my life. In today’s world of feckless and fickle friends, give to others a friendship based upon fidelity and faithfulness. God Bless, Orrin Woodward
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Enjoy!
Capt. Bill
True friendship is a fine art. When you find a true friend, a friend that will be there when the chicken hits the fan, be sure to count your blessings. Many people will live their whole life with nothing more than acquaintances, rather than friendships. Because friends respect one another, it naturally leads to leadership influence in respective areas of expertise. In order to lead people properly, one must love the person, as a fellow human being, believing in his/her goals and dreams. In other words, friendship must come before leadership, forming an authentic speed of trust relationship. Without love for people, leadership can quickly degrade into manipulation, causing damage to the leaders heart and the community’s future. Chris Brady and I wrote an entire book on leadership, our #1 best seller, Launching a Leadership Revolution, a must read for anyone in the leadership field. If you haven’t read that book, be sure to do so, because the principles taught here will come to life, at a new level, when combined with the LLR teachings.
Before diving into the details of this chapter, let’s examine our hearts. Why do you want to lead? Do you care for the people or just the prestige associated with leadership? Are you willing to sacrifice for the team when necessary? Although there are many rewards for leaders, at the end of the day, leadership is about service to others, not about perks for self. Leaders must love people and use things, not love things and use people. This is foundational for all long-term leadership, love is the glue that holds communities together during the struggles to success . When a community doesn’t feel loved, believing they are just part of the machine, they will stay only for material rewards. In the past, that may have worked, but in today’s competitive marketplace, communities will surpass individuals every time.
Since friendship comes before leadership, let’s begin our study with the key principles to develop authentic friendships. Remember, these are principles, not techniques, being more a matter of the heart than just the physical actions. Applying the techniques, without the right heart, will come off as inauthentic, hurting the relationship. But with the right heart, following the principles suggested, anyone can build relationships that will last a lifetime, leading to the joy associated with true fellowship, creating a foundation for leadership excellence. When gathering with true friends for a night of fellowship, food, and fun, the laughter and learning brings happiness to all that are present, because the friendship is founded upon trust developed through proper application of the friendship principles. Friends allow you to relax and be yourself, knowing that you will be loved, faults and all. If you want great friendships that will last a lifetime, then be a great friend first. There are several books that I recommend to help in becoming a true friend to others. The first is Dale Carnegie’s classic, How to Win Friends and Influence People and the second is Les Giblin’s, How to Have Confidence and Power with People. These two books did more for me, in relating to people, than any other people skills books. With these books and the six principles that I am about to share, you will radically transform your relationships.
The first principle in developing healthy relationships is to learn that people are drawn to happy open people, not unhappy closed people. By following the resolutions discussed previously in this book, one will find greater happiness in life. Happiness isn’t something to be sought directly, but is found indirectly by applying personal discipline to a worthwhile goal or dream. Having a positive attitude is one of the quickest ways to draw people towards you. Attitude is a magnet that draws or repels, depending upon whether it’s a positive or negative one. Resolution #3 covers positive attitude and EQ, so I won’t go into much detail here, but refer back to it for further comments on attitude. A second factor in drawing people to you is the power of a genuine smile. Smiling is part of the universal language for the world, communicating happiness and openness. When traveling internationally, even when one doesn’t speak the language, a baby smiling can bring smiles and cheerfulness to all around them. When people see you smile, it’s surprising how many people will smile right back at you. If you believe that you are happy, but aren’t smiling, please notify your face.
Another key to communicate openness and approachability is personal appearance. How you dress and groom communicates to others how you feel about yourself. Dress for success is more than just a catch phrase. Grooming for success is just as important. For example, if you have breath that would knockout a camel cold, get some breath mints, gum, or mouth wash. Body odor is another quick way to communicate that you are unapproachable. If they can’t get within ten feet of you without gasping, it might be difficult for you to nurture a longterm friendship. First impressions, whether we like it or not, do have a huge impact on our ability to have a second impression. Being approachable means that you attitude mentally, your smile and smells physically, and your looks aesthetically communicate friendliness to others. If you are not sure how you are doing, ask your spouse or close friend. Allow them to speak honestly, with the goal being to improve in openness and approachability.
The second principle in developing people skills is to take a genuine interest in others. What is a person’s favorite subject to talk about? If you guessed themselves, then you just won the jackpot. Friendships are based upon mutual interests, so learning about others interests is a key step in the process of nurturing relationships. For example, a person’s name is sweet to their ears. When you meet people, be sure to take the time to learn, and pronounce their name properly. Even, if you have to ask them to repeat their name, they won’t be offended as it displays an interest in them. With a name like Orrin, I have had to repeat my name many times, but I was always impressed when someone took the time to get my name right. The best way to do this is to say it several times during the conversation, complimenting them by your care to remember their name, and, through repetition, storing it into memory.
One of the quickest ways to display an interest in others is to listen to them. Stephen Covey titled it, “seek first to understand, then be understood.” You have two ears and one mouth, let’s use them in that proportion. I find that I learn much more when I listen, rather than talk. I believe you will discover this too. Ask questions and then listen. What questions you ask? Why not start with the FOR method - Family, Occupation, and Recreation? These are great starter questions to get someone talking about themselves, helping you learn more about them. For example, if you just met John and he is a dentist, ask, “John, how did you get into the dental field?” I love hearing the stories develop after that question. Whether is was a parent who encouraged them, a friend in the field, or a dream from childhood, it’s fascinating to learn people’s stories. All stories have a dream, struggle, victory component, and as I listen, I am listening for the key struggles that were overcome. Afterwards, I can point out to them how they played like a champion, finishing what they started. Usually, during the discussion, the new friend will pause, realizing that he has been doing most of the talking, and will probably need encouragement to continue. Remember, he is used to people only talking, not listening, so he is probably wondering what is wrong with you.
Cultivate listening into one of your most developed skills. A genuine interest in others will come through in your conversations, taking listening to the highest level of active listening. Active listening is the key to help others feel comfortable talking while intently listening. Stay focused on them, looking them in the eyes, nodding with understanding, empathizing with the success story being shared. In order to learn more of the dream, struggle, victory life story, you may need to ask questions during the active listening process. Questions like: “Really, why is that?”; “Serious?”; “What kept you going?”; “And then what happened?”; “No kidding?”; “That’s amazing!”; “Unbelievable”; How did you keep going?”, and many other short comments to inspire other to talk while you actively listen. I know, this isn’t rocket science, but listening skills are the most effective and underutilized people skill. I want to ensure everyone understands the importance of drawing others out, as nothing bonds people to you as quickly as active listening does, since nothing compliments a person more than taking a genuine interest in them. I have found over the years that I have learned much more by listening to others, and, when I was ready to talk, I had their undivided attention. I like to learn from experience, but if I listen well, I can learn from others experience also, not having to repeat the same lesson that others have taken for me. By listening to others, you learn from experience - their experiences, saving you time and money. To sum up, applying active listening skills, when you meet others, displays a genuine interest in them, paying a huge compliment by listening and learning valuable lessons along the way.
The third principle in developing true friendship is finding value in others. Before people will find value in you, they typically must first feel valued by you. This can create a chicken and the egg scenario where each person is waiting for the other to value them. I have witnessed so many discussions where each person attempts to one up the other by rolling out his list of achievements. Instead, let the person share their achievements and be truly impressed. By giving relationship oxygen to the other side, they can breathe easier and listen after you have valued them. Let’s stop the crazy cycle by valuing others first, it cost nothing (unless your self pride is more important than others self worth), but it pays huge dividends. How does one find value in others? Les Giblin, the author of How to Have Confidence and Power with People, give the Triple A formula that is pure gold in relationships: Accept, Approve, and Appreciate. I encourage you to read over and over again, Chapter 6 of Giblin’s book covering the three A’s. It really is that good! Let me share an overview of the Triple A formula here to help define the terms and start the learning process.
Acceptance from one human being to another creates peace, allowing one to relax and open up. When someone is constantly judging everything said and done, it doesn’t allow the other person to relax, making friendship nearly impossible. Acceptance does not mean you approve of everything that the person does, but you will never influence anyone that you don’t accept as a human being first. I have found, that only after accepting the person as they are, that it frees them up to become what they want to be. A mentor’s acceptance brings peace and joy, allowing the other person some breathing space to develop personally. Acceptance to the soul is like food for the body, giving people nourishment, providing energy for further improvement. By accepting people as they are, they start desiring further food, creating a process of growth, nurtured along by your acceptance of them. Most people get this wrong, thinking they cannot accept someone until they do everything right. The problem with this is that no one does everything right, leaving all of us unaccepted, if everyone thought this way. All of us need to grow, I certainly know that I do, but when people accept me for the way I am, this gives me the soul nourishment to keep moving on. Since we have a full time project in working to improve ourselves, we should judge lightly the faults of others. How many people in your life are you feeding with acceptance?
Approval moves beyond acceptance of the person into approval of specific actions and talents. While acceptance is more an absence of negatives, approval is the recognition of a person’s positives. In the Triple A formula spelled out in Giblin’s book, I view acceptance as the appetizer, approval as the main dish, and appreciation as the dessert, in the buffet for the human soul. In order to approve someone, you must be looking for the attributes that you respect and admire in others. I believe the reason most people do not take the time to approve of others is because they are too busy seeking acceptance, approval and appreciation for themselves. When you can get over yourself, you will be in a much better position to help others get over themselves. Focus everyday, on pointing out to those closest to you, the things that you respect and admire about them. Approval is like oil in an engine, making everything run smoother with less friction. Interestingly, approval has more of an impact, when the approval is in a less than obvious attribute. For example, pointing out to a professional car racer that you admire the way he drives won’t have the same impact as pointing out you admire his relationship with his children. Be a professional observer of excellence in others, and then point it out! Most, so preoccupied with themselves won’t observe, but even if you do observe, it only reaches the other person by sharing your positive observations. What is the point of observing without sharing? How many people are you approving in your life?
Appreciation is the dessert in relationship foods for the soul. When you appreciate someone, you communicate to them that they are special to you, not just another face in the crowd. Appreciate is the opposite of depreciate. When something depreciates, it loses its value; but when something appreciates, it gains in value. Are you appreciating those closest to you? Are you increasing the value of your friends and family by appreciating them? Little things make all the difference here. When you set an appointment, be on time as that communicates you value the other person. Another is to thank people personally for a job well done. Single out what you appreciate about them as a person and in their work, making them feel special and separated from the crowd. If you really want to appreciate others, then share all the good you can about them to others. When others do great work, share your appreciation, not just with them, but to everyone that they know. This is the proper use of talking behind someone else’s back, all the good that you know about them. Everyone wants to feel accepted, approved, and appreciated, sadly most people believe condemning, criticizing, and complaining will help to change people, but nothing could be further from the truth. You catch more bees with honey than you ever will with vinegar, so put away the vinegar for good, and start attracting people to you through the Giblin’s Triple A formula.
The fourth principle to build lifelong friendships is building a shared vision of the future. Friendships are based upon shared experiences, the more positive experiences that people share together, the more friendships are strengthened. Conversely, when friends lack a common vision, they lose shared experiences and eventually lose the bonds that drew them together in the first place. All of us have had friends from high school that didn’t continue, having lost the common vision (geting out of school), and the shared experiences. Lifetime friends are different, they are built upon common visions that last longer than the high school or job where they met. My lifetime friends all have strengths and weaknesses (just as I do), but friends magnify each others strengths, while protecting each others weaknesses. Few people think through why they have the friends that they have, but essentially, friends build social communities, providing value to each other by leveraging each others strengths and enjoying each others company. In other words, the friends that you have, you have because you admire certain strengths that they possess, enhancing your life by the strengths in their life. In the same way, your strengths increase your friends enjoyment and success on their journey of life. Shared visions, shared experiences, shared strengths while protecting weaknesses, forms the recipe for long lasting enjoyment for both parties in life long friendships.
But in life, struggles will occur, blurring the common vision. Friends will need empathy from one another to endure the hardships thrown at them. When a friend is hurting, its important to be there for them, listening to his situation, understanding his pain, empathizing with him, while redirecting his focus to solutions. Friends must learn to reframe the struggles in each others lives, giving a better perspective to help friends endure. When friends fall into a pit, it’s your responsibility to help them find the way out. A true friend empathizes with, but never sympathizes with their friends struggles. Meaning, friends will feel each others pain, but not jump into the pit with each other. Instead, friends throw ropes down into the pit to help their friends get out. Listen, understand, empathize, but then reframe and help them move ahead. All friends will go through challenges, but a true friend helps them see the light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. Friends will remember that when the chicken hit the fan in their life, that you took the time to be there, creating bonds of friendship that will stand the test of time. Friends who help each other in times of need are rare, so hold onto these friends. I count a person’s real wealth to be in the quality of friends developed, not monetary net worth developed. Are you a priceless friend to your friends?
Fidelity to the reputation and character of one’s friends is another key principle in enduring friendships. What is friendship if it isn’t loyal to one another when needed? Loyalty to friends doesn’t mean, my friend right or wrong, but it does mean my friend, let’s help him do right. A true friend doesn’t exit the scene when life gets tough, rather, he enters more boldly to help out. Fair weather friends are not really friends at all. It takes real courage to stick by people when they’re dealt painful cards in life, but that’s exactly when true friend are needed. When someone hurts a friend, they hurt all his friends as friends stick together. In this situation, friends must rally together to focus on resolving the dispute between friends. If your friend is following the conflict resolution principles, but the other side isn’t, then the other side will know they have violated your friendship as well. Conversely, if your friend is not following conflict resolution guidelines, you must sit down in love and loyalty and speak truth to them with the hope that both sides will follow the appropriate principles. Friends have a responsibility to be loyal to their friends, abandoning a friendship only when a friend abandons truth repeatedly, creating a situation where defending your friend would put you on the side of untruth. Even in this situation, I let my former friend know that restoration is possible when truth is restored in his life and our relationship. Loyalty, fidelity and honor are not used much in today’s society, but life long friendships must be based upon them. In my opinion, next to truth itself, loyalty is the most valued principle in a true friendship, forming the glue that holds friendships together during the storms of life.
Lastly, friends celebrate each others victories together. Can you be as excited for a friends victory as you are your own? This is essential for true friendships as friends should be each others greatest cheerleaders. Friends are not jealous of one another, nor suffer from envy, but do all they can to lift their friends up. Friends aren’t competitors, but huge fans and encouragers of one another. Why wouldn’t you celebrate when a friend succeeds at any worthy endeavor? A friends victory lifts the tide for everyone surrounding them. Friends dream together, laugh together, struggle together, have victories together, and celebrate together. Be the biggest cheerleader of your friends successes. Let your friends know how much you admire their strengths, sharing your thankfulness to be part of their lives. This will form bonds of loyalty, letting your friends know that you are proud of their successes, and proud to be their friend. Friends lift one another up when they are together, but also are the biggest cheerleaders of each other when they aren’t together as well. Be the type of friend, who cheers their accomplishments behind their backs, sharing all the good that you know about them. No one is an island unto themselves, having friends who cheer one another’s successes is essential in making life meaningful and fruitful.
True friendship is a lost art in today’s “Me” generation, but that only increases the value of a friend when you really find one. The best way to find friends of this caliber is to be one to others. In life, if someone identifies a couple of friends of this quality, then he is a blessed man. Make a personal commitment to give more to each relationship than you receive. This is much tougher to do in practice when you find true friends as they are focusing on giving more than they receive. Friendship brings so much joy into life and should be cultivated daily. Conversely, damaged relationships bring so much pain to life, and should be resolved quickly. The older I get, the more I realize that my real wealth is in my faith, family, and friends, making me more conscious to nurture the relationships that have brought so much joy into my life. In today’s world of feckless and fickle friends, give to others a friendship based upon fidelity and faithfulness. God Bless, Orrin Woodward
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Monday, June 06, 2011
The Road Not Taken!
Since we are on a literary kick, this is one of my favorite works. Whenever we discuss running against the herd, fighting 95% thinking, becoming a leader and by definition, doing something different, this comes to mind. Orrin has told us time and time again, to get different results; outstanding results, you have to take a journey others aren't willing to make. I hope this echoes in your mind as you venture down the leadership highway.
Enjoy
Capt. Bill
The Road Not Taken!
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost (1874–1963).
Enjoy
Capt. Bill
The Road Not Taken!
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Robert Frost (1874–1963).
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